And here's how it ends

Well folks, I think it's official. I am going to close down this blog. But I will leave you with two pieces of the legacy of cancer. The first is a membership card for an organization that you must be 55 or over to join.

Really? You just put me on a senior citizen mailing list because I got cancer?

The second is an invitation to pre-pay for my own cremation in order to help my family in these dark times.

Apparently to direct-mail companies a cancer diagnosis is still the same thing as a death sentence. Somebody should let them know that's sooooo 1950's.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the only thing I know for sure at this point about cancer is that it puts you on the world's weirdest mailing list.

I hope this blog has served it's purpose. I started it as both a way to express all my convoluted cancer ramblings as well as a way to reach people in the same boat and hopefully let them know they have a shipmate.

Aye, Aye, mateys!

Hello, my name STILL is...

N.E.D.

Got the results of the latest CT scan and there is No Evidence of Disease.

Ha!

Take that you stupid-ass cancer! (Or should that be stupid, ass cancer?)

I'll get it in my cereal

I know I've been absent from my own blog. But the truth is, I'm really sick of all things cancer. I'd be happy if I never had to hear that frickin' word again. I know I have to get my CT cans, my colonoscopies, and all that, but I really just want to leave it all behind. While I fully support all those folks who, post-cancer, go to work for cancer organizations or become chemo nurses or support fellow cancer-citizens in some way, I'm not that person. I'm so sick of being a "patient" that I've made a vow not to have any diseases that require a daily pill. I'd even stopped taking my daily multivitamin for while - I'll get all the crap I need in my ultrafibersuperomegamiltivitiminous breakfast cereal.

So where does that leave this bog? I dunno. Maybe I'll start a new one. Maybe I'll record my deepest thoughts in some other way. Skywriting? Tantric archetypes? Cave paintings?

Really? That long?

Has it really been that long since I posted?

Hrumph.

Well, the truth of the matter is that the school year still has 2 weeks left and I'm all overwhelmed and stuff with students.

Could be worse.

One year anniversary of end of chemo is in 4 days. Well, ain't that somethin'?

Don't ever give up.

While doing laundry this morning I walked by the bags of weeds that we collected about six months ago. (Yes, they've been sitting out there for that long. Embarrassing, but true.) Out of the side of one of the bags, through the plastic, this little yellow flower had sprouted.

If a flower can sprout out of a dark, soil-free plastic bag then we can all grow in seemingly dark, dismal times.

Rock on, little yellow flower. Don't ever give up.

Do you see something, like way off in the distance? Is that cancer?

I'm finally starting to get to a place where I don't feel like Megan, "cancer patient". The cancer tragedy is starting to fade into the distance. There are still daily reminders of what I've been going through (I have to wear socks all the time for my nerve-damaged toesies, I get periodic bouts with adhesion pain in my colon, etc) but for the most part I don't feel like Cancer Megan. Just Megan. I thinks it's settling in at an unconscious level, too. All during my treatment and recovery I was having the most f*&ked up nightmares. Things that made Japanese horror films seem downright pleasant. Those have ended too.

So what does this all mean? Instead of feeling like a phoenix rising, I feel more like I've just clawed my way out of quicksand and am just now lying on solid ground, catching my breath. But it's progress and that's good. It's all a process. And that's good; it gives it time to sink in.

I think this line is mostly filler.

Attention World: Scout is the most awesome human being. Like, ever.

Last weekend Scout spirited me away to a secret event at an undisclosed location. It was all secrety and surprisey. He had bought tickets months ago and I had agreed not to snoop on the internet to find out what the big secret could have been.

And what was it? Tell! What? Where? Who?

Turns out there was a reunion of (most) of the cast and production team of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer complete with a screening of "Once More, With Feeling". Woo Hoo! We got to see the musical episode on a big movie screen and then hear Joss, Sarah, James, Nicholas, Seth, Charisma, etc talk all about all things Buffy. It was super cool.

And I *still* get all teary at the look on Willow's face when Buffy reveals that she had been in heaven.

Note: for those of you that are not Buffy fans, this will probably make no sense to you. You should remedy that, as soon as possible.